(written on 4/2/2021)
The movies I watched when I was young that gave me insight into who I was as a Queer Woman.
1. The Color Purple - I was in elementary school and my parents didn't actually want me watching but my dad left it on. That was the first time I saw two women (Black women at that) kiss. It fascinated me to see that as possible.
2. But I'm a Cheerleader - I was in middle school. I quickly became a gay rights advocate in my youth. And this movie definitely cemented that at my disgust of a conversion camp. It never dawned on me what the main character actually went through (thinking about girls differently than how other girls thought about them. I didn't understand that until I started reading queer books just recently). Nevertheless I watched this movie repeatedly in my youth.
3. The Road to El Dorado - I was in middle school. Did you see Chel? I was definitely attracted to her and didn't know it lol. Just kept watching that movie, particularly the scenes with her.
4. D.E.B.S. - I was either in middle or high school. I was definitely attracted to Meagan Good and Jordana Brewster (without knowing it) and I definitely got turned on by seeing the two girls kiss. I watched this movie repeatedly throughout my youth.
5. Imagine Me and You - I was in high school. This started sinking in the narrative of having to choose between men and women which I didn't relate to. (Monogamy wasn't sitting right with me) Even though I had a couple friends in h.s. who were bisexual, they were White so it didn't connect with me. I still enjoyed the connection between the two women in the film. And her husband was a really nice guy it seemed.
I stumbled upon lesbian porn in h.s. which definitely turned me on more than hetero porn. (As I now have realized I'm more sexually attracted to women than men)
And if it wasn't a femme Black bisexual women connecting with another femme Black women and a masc Black man, it didn't truly represent me and I couldn't figure it out on my own. But if anything, I connected more to the queer women of color (or just WOC I was attracted to).
Pariah I saw after h.s. and it scared me because my mom was homophobic. It also continued the femme/stud lesbian relationship narrative that I didn't relate to.
Watching The Fosters did bring me comfort tho.
When I started questioning my sexuality in 2018, I rewatched all of these movies and watched a whole lot of new LGBTQ movies and shows.
Rafiki was amazing!!
I also loved Kissing Jessica Stein.
Then all the signs finally clicked.
I am very thankful to be in the place that I am with myself, my sexuality, building queer community, and enjoying more queer representation.
Moral of the story: I was always bisexual. I just didn't know I could be. Representation matters.
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