Dear Monogamists...

(written on 12/1/2022)

For the monogamous folks who shame nonmonogamy...

As a polyamorous woman, let me address some of the misconceptions you all have.

1. Open Relationships, Polyamory, and Polygamy are 3 different forms of ethical/consensual nonmonogamy with different histories, cultures, and communities. They aren't the same.

2. The benefits of marriage are the legal, financial, and medical benefits. Not everyone is Christian nor desires a Biblical marriage. (Even tho there are some Christian nonmonogamous folks). And not everyone has monogamy in their vows

3. Faithfulness, loyalty, and commitment exist outside of monogamy. (Google what those definitions actually are)

4. There are benefits to being in relationships outside of exclusivity . That's why people aren't just single and dating. Within ethical/consensual nonmonogamy, people get the benefits of relationships and the freedom to still connect with others.

5. Within polyamory, we reject the toxic monogamy concept of possession and ownership over one's partner and therefore cannot "share" people as they are not objects that we own nor possess. We have mutual partners like we have mutual friends.

6. Cheating is based in lying, secrecy, deception, and betrayal. Consensual nonmonogamy is not cheating.

7. Because consent is prioritized, there is a lot more transparency around sexual partners, sexual health status, regular testing, and barrier use.

8. Emotional growth is essential within ethical/consensual nonmonogamy. You grow to be a better person and a better partner. You grow to become more selfless (while still respecting your own boundaries). You grow through jealousy (as it still exists within ethical/consensual nonmonogamy, but you learn to understand it and manage it). Not everyone is committed to this emotional growth and monogamy may be a better fit for them.

9. Being ethically and consensually nonmonogamous or having a partner who is, does not lessen your worth. It is a valid relationship structure that works for many people. As monogamy doesn't work for everyone.

10. Within polyamory, as polyamory literally means "many loves," falling in love with multiple people is a norm. As love is abundant, not scarce.

    
    

 Polyamorous Moment

Rocqi's Reflections

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